Irregular Days

Chapter 9: As the Locusts Swallow the Sun

“What a hapless sucker, don’t you think so, Brother?” The smaller Hammond brother that Mignon had previously shot in the face said with a grin to his previously masked brother.

“I’m going to punt you out this window!” Mignon yelled in anger as she struggled in vain to pull her arm out of the cuffs that bound her to the heating unit under the window.

“Such aggression does not befit a lady.” The taller Hammond said with a wag of the finger.

“Yeah, well it is hard to hate softly.” Mignon replied with a grumble.

“Just keep calm, Lass. We won’t be letting that partner of yours know where you are for a few days.” The smaller Hammond stated. “No use struggling now.”

The door burst open with a thud as Shere tripped into the room, gun at the ready.

“OR AM I?”

“Not applicable, Ms. Shere.”

“I AM!” Shere screeched as she shot the chain between Mignon’s cuffs clean off.

“Holy shit! Ms. Shere!” Mignon exclaimed as she tumbled backwards and sprang up to here feet. “You are a crack shot!”

“Wow! I am so relieved that worked.”

As Shere became momentarily caught up in her own badassery the smaller Hammond took the opportunity to escape. He brushed past Shere and out of the Burger Castle offices, down the stairs and into the startled lunch-time crowd below.

“Ms. Shere! What are you doing?!” Mignon called out. “Go after him!”

Shere snapped back into reality and pursued her tiny mark through the crowd and out into the parking lot.

“HOW IS HE SO FAST ON SUCH LITTLE LEGS?” Shere yelled in a huff as Hammond raced towards a truck. Hammond jumped inside with surprising grace and began motoring out of the lot before Shere could reach the truck herself. Panting, Shere made a mental note of the plates and called in for backup.

Back in the office, the barely 5 foot Mignon stood poised to stop the nearly 2 foot taller Hammond brother when he made his move.

Before anything had the chance to happen a familiar figure entered the door.

“Why hello Mr. Hammond, Ms. Varrow.” A blonde man in an immaculate beige suit said with a warm smile. His eyes piercing Mignon’s. “Isn’t it a right pleasant day today?”
Mignon had seen this man before, if only for a moment. He had brushed passed her on the street the night she was lured into the Hammond’s trap.

“Who the hell are you?” Mignon asked. “This is police business.”

“Oh don’t mind me.” The man replied. “I am merely a guest in this place and time.”

Mr. Hammond looked on as if he had seen evil incarnate.

“K-Kill him Varrow!” He screamed out in terror.” “He’s going to kill us all!”

“What are you talking about?”

“KILL HIM!” Hammond screamed as he grabbed Mignon by the shoulders and shook her violently.

“Calm down!”

“DON’T YOU SEE?!” Hammond continued to scream out. “HE’S GOING TO KILL US ALL!”

“CALM!” Mignon yelled as she braced herself and grabbed Hammond with both hands from the side” DOWN!”

Mignon put all her weight into a shove and bashed Hammond towards the wall. However it was not the wall that met him, it was the window. Hammond crashed out the second story window and gracelessly plummeted to the ground below. Mignon peered down to find a twisted and contorted Hammond laying in a pool of blood.

“Oh…Oh yeah, he’s dead. I am just the worst cop.” Mignon stated, hollow-eyed and upset with herself.

“Whoopsy Daisy!” The guest chuckled, bringing Mignon’s attention back to him.

“I must thank you for your help in relieving me of one minor nuisance.” The guest said calmly. “As a show of gratitude I will warn you that one such as yourself should vacate this area immediately.”

“…Is that a threat?” Mignon grimaced as the guest threw his arms out wide as if holding a long note in an opera.

“As the locusts swallow the sun, this whole city will be my stage, and those not worthy of bearing witness shall cease to be.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Mignon retorted as she braced herself for another possible fight.

“Simple, Ms. Varrow. My plague has begun.”

The guest turned and calmly walked out of the room. A shaken Mignon couldn’t bring herself to stop him.

Epilogue: Same as it Ever was

“I can’t say I’m happy about this.” Mignon said, holding her head in her hands, as she slouched over on Shere’s couch. “But we really did do an awful job.”

“Fired.” Shere replied as she shoved her 6th chocolate bar of the hour into her maw. “Not just demoted. Fired.”

“Meow~” Ardeta jumped upon her master’s lap as if to calm her. Shere looked down at her cat with tears in her eyes.

“Look at us, Ardeta. A couple of failed cops…..”

“I’ve survived at the bottom before.” Mignon mumbled out. “But what are you going to do now, Ms. Shere?”

“Ardeta and I are going to become private detectives!” Shere stated with suddenly glee, causing chocolate crumbs to sprinkle down all over Ardeta.

“Huh…”

“And you are going to join us!”

“Am I?”

“Yeah! The Candy Floss Detective Agency!”

“The what?”

“Candy Floss.”

“Am I missing a pun here?” Mignon looked at Shere in confusion. “I don’t get it.”

“Oh. Pun! Yeah!” Shere bounced up and down in jubilation, causing Ardeta to leap off her lap.
“Bubble Gumshoes!”

“Sure.” Mignon sighed, knowing she had little say in the matter. “Bubble Gumshoes. That’ll sell confidence.”

Filed under:
Mignon and Shere, Short Stories by Tawny