Shai-Hsien’s Journal – Entry Eleven
What’s done is done. Lamenting in my old decisions will accomplish nothing. My goal is to overthrow this empire to save my people, and right now following Azriel is the only way I can see to go about that. People have died for this goal, died for me, and it’s my duty to see this thing through to the end. Does this mean I should do things I know are wrong? Should I break ties with Azriel over something small(ish) that I know is wrong and ruin any hope I had to complete my quest? I feel I’ve started sliding down a slippery slope, but I’ve decided I will bear any burden to do this. My life isn’t as important as the survival of my race. I don’t know where it will stop, but I’ll do what I must, even if history paints me as a villain. At least I’ll try to, as long as what is left of my conscious allows.
I’ve pushed away one of the few people I had left. Ine’dan may grow to hate me, but our respective decisions have been made and we will play our rolls out to the end. I wish I had the words to convey to him what I’m really thinking. I’m caught in-between who I want to be, and who I am being forced to become. I just hope one day he will come to understand.
I feel like Miharu will always be at my side, but what if I’m forced to choose between her and my goal? I owe her family a lot. I have sworn to protect her, but one life isn’t equal to the lives of many. I just hope such a decision never has to be made.
I hope I’m over thinking things. I hope the status quo will find a way to return. On the bright side I have some bird guy eternally bound to me. If I’m ever feeling down I’ll just make the little guy dance. I’m joking of course, I plan to let him be as free as one can possibly be whilst still being an eternal servant. No random pointless commands for the sake of humor shall come out of my mouth. Well, maybe a just a few from time to time. Gotta keep him on his toes, you know? Also I guess I sorta need to live forever, lest the poor guy writhe in eternal torment for eternity, or something. Not really clear on that. We’ll build and cross that bridge after we destroy the empire.
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